Why is it so hard to let people go? Especially the ones you KNOW are not conducive to your growth. Is it hard because you don't want to hurt their feelings? Or maybe because you feel you might end up needing them? Or is it because you're just too weak to sever that tie? I know that quality supercedes quantity. So why ,for the life of me, can't just wash my hands of these people? So many people. Maybe, I'm afraid that once I cut them off, I'll be left with no one. I feel as if I cut all the impotent ones off, I will be left with a fingerless hand. Why do they all suck? Or is it me? Is it me and my pregnancy emotions and hormones and such? It never feels that way. My actions, feelings and thoughts seem completely logical, perhaps a little more intense but completely logical. The intensity has to do with the change of perception I have been and am still currently experiencing. My 'friends' seem to be unreal to me. I cannot relate to them. They cannot relate to me. So how do we interact if we are on two separate planes? Two completely different dimensions.
I hate to be the one to end a friendship, but it seems I carry the burden of that responsibility more times than not. But I just cannot tolerate bullshit or anything that looks, feels, sounds or smells like it. I don't want to be fake with you. I don't want to tiptoe around your feelings, sugarcoating my feelings. I don't want to be a bitch to you either. But if we cannot find a common plane, how can we ever see eye to eye? And it's almost impossible to exit a friendship without leaving behind bitterness and hurt feelings. I don't want to hold a grudge. I'll speak and be sweet, but not phony. But I can't expect everyone to be the same way.
I am changing. My life is changing. My priorities have shifted as well as my focus.
Perhaps, to save face, I'll put our friendship in a bottle, place it in the ocean and allow it to drift away gracefully.