The only thing driving me to live is the life thriving within me. Nothing makes me happy. Everyone has let me down. All I want to do is cry. Sometimes I want to die... But I can't. What would become of Peace? Out of the question. I have been trying to do right. I just want to fuck and smoke all my anger and sadness into oblivion. I want to choke the shit out of my brother. Like really really choke him. I want to beat my sister in laws ass. I want to look at her husband, my brother, and say I told you so. This is the bitch you chose over your family now she stole your kid and your money. I want to move away. Far far away. I don't want to be bothered. If I wasn't so heavy and it wasn't so hot, I would attempt to run away. Tried to escape the bullshit today, didn't even make it to the end of the street. I hear my brothers voice right now and it makes me want to choke him more. I think I'm going to do something wreckless tomorrow. Maybe I will feel better. The only thing stopping me is the little baby in me. I need her right here so badly. I really do. Maybe I won't yell and scream and cry and cuss so much. I know she'll show me an unconditional love. I need that right now. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need a lap to lay on. I need someone who will just be there for me. I won't lay on my child but I know she'll make me smile when all I want to do is cry.