selfish

after all this stress and all this mess, i decided i just want Peace to myself. I havent been able to depend on anyone this far... what makes me think that would change? and how unfair is it for me to have had to go through all i went through by myself but then someone else reap the benefits of my labor? maybe its just the way im feeling today... who knows. so, im going to indulge in this feeling... let it trickle down deep to my innermost being and feel it completely. I'm going to swim in it until its time to get out and dry off.
I think its unfair. I didnt get pregnant alone. if i could do that, i would have picked better timing lol. I feel that when Peace comes, I only want the hands who helped feed h** to hold her. I only want the people who cared about h** inutero to be enriched by h** presence in their lives. is that selfish? it might be. but im feeling selfish. i guess it be like that.